On my heart today:
1. Strive to be selfless in your marriage. Marriage is hard work, but SO worth the effort.
2. If you are the mother of small children, and you can stay home with them - do it. It is what is best for your kids.
3. Do not let hurt turn into bitterness. It will mess you up.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Wanting to Be Gracious
If you have a perfect husband, please don't bother to read any further, and um, good for you.
My husband is not perfect, and it pains me to say so. I am all about "perfection". My name even means, "Perfection." Ironic, isn't it?
This morning Phil made a mistake. It wasn't a big mistake, and in the big scheme of life, it really means nothing. But it annoyed me.
I sputtered around the house for a while. I called him at work, with the "annoyed" tone. It was not pretty.
Then it hit me - hard, "What is my problem? What are my expectations? Perfection?"
In all reality, who has the better deal in our relationship anyway? - I do!
The funny thing is that I had just been chatting with a teen from our church about relationships, and encouraging her because God uses those people to refine us. Suddenly I was living the "chat", and I wasn't enjoying it.
The verse that God has seemed to hard-wire into my brain for times such as this is, Proverbs 11:16a - "A gracious woman gains respect," (NLT) or "retains honor", or "attains honor" depending on which version you choose.
How I long to be a "gracious woman". I want that because of my husband, and home, and children, and ministry, and every other area of my life. It's just very difficult. It seems that the more I want it, them more opportunities I have to demonstrate it. And so the process continues. I pray that I am growing with each opportunity. Oh, for an "easy button"!
My husband is not perfect, and it pains me to say so. I am all about "perfection". My name even means, "Perfection." Ironic, isn't it?
This morning Phil made a mistake. It wasn't a big mistake, and in the big scheme of life, it really means nothing. But it annoyed me.
I sputtered around the house for a while. I called him at work, with the "annoyed" tone. It was not pretty.
Then it hit me - hard, "What is my problem? What are my expectations? Perfection?"
In all reality, who has the better deal in our relationship anyway? - I do!
The funny thing is that I had just been chatting with a teen from our church about relationships, and encouraging her because God uses those people to refine us. Suddenly I was living the "chat", and I wasn't enjoying it.
The verse that God has seemed to hard-wire into my brain for times such as this is, Proverbs 11:16a - "A gracious woman gains respect," (NLT) or "retains honor", or "attains honor" depending on which version you choose.
How I long to be a "gracious woman". I want that because of my husband, and home, and children, and ministry, and every other area of my life. It's just very difficult. It seems that the more I want it, them more opportunities I have to demonstrate it. And so the process continues. I pray that I am growing with each opportunity. Oh, for an "easy button"!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
All and All
“An infinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others.”
- A. W. Tozer
I love this quotation by Tozer. The thought that we each have all of our Father, is beyond what I can comprehend. We are not "just another face in the crowd." A true relationship with God is completely personal. And we get all of Him. It seems that He should have all of us.
- A. W. Tozer
I love this quotation by Tozer. The thought that we each have all of our Father, is beyond what I can comprehend. We are not "just another face in the crowd." A true relationship with God is completely personal. And we get all of Him. It seems that He should have all of us.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Be Who You Is
I had a dear friend in college tell me once,
"Be who you is, 'cause if you is who you ain't, then you ain't who you is."
Just be real. Be yourself. Be "who you is."
Life is too short to spend it being fake, or acting like you have it all together all of the time.
On the flip side, love people inspite of themselves.
Please, just be you.
Thanks.
"Be who you is, 'cause if you is who you ain't, then you ain't who you is."
Just be real. Be yourself. Be "who you is."
Life is too short to spend it being fake, or acting like you have it all together all of the time.
On the flip side, love people inspite of themselves.
Please, just be you.
Thanks.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The Pastor of Hannaford
One of my favorite things to do is brag on how God chooses to use my husband. Phil is the kind of guy who will figure out what God has for him at any given time, and seek out opportunities to be used by Him.
Four years ago, while I was pregnant with our first child, Phil found himself in need of a job. He had just finished his time as Principal of a Christian School, and we had no idea what the next step was for us. That, I might add, is not a great feeling when you are six months pregnant!
Phil walked into our neighborhood grocery store, Hannaford, thinking that he would stalk shelves, or something just to pay the bills for the time being. As he sat in the interview the Human Relations Manager who interviewed him said, "Hey, I'm getting done, and I think that my job would be a good fit for you."
"Great!" said my husband, and walked out of the store with a salaried manager position.
After a few months with the company, the same position opened in a store a half an hour away from Phil's parents in Central Maine. We jumped at the opportunity to live closer to them. Phil's mom had battled stage four ovarian cancer, and we were confident that we should move closer to them to be more of a help if needed. We also wanted our children to get to spend as much time with her as possible. And frankly, my husband loves Central Maine! It was all working together beautifully.
Upon moving to Maine, God provided a wonderful local church for us to attend and join. We immediately felt at home there, and loved. It was such a great fit. We quickly began building relationships with people who are now some of our dearest friends, and family really.
Phil's job at Hannaford involves building relationships with all the associates. He is very good at what he does. His position is, at times, to be a liaison between the associates and the management. The associates need to feel comfortable sharing issues with him.
If you know my husband, you know that his faith is a very active part of his life. His love for Christ is very evident. It wasn't long before the associates started calling him the "Pastor of Hannaford". I laughed when I first heard it, and thought, "How appropriate!"
Phil isn't the kind of guy who will shove the Bible down your throat. But he is the kind of guy who lives his life in such a way that people notice that he is different, and they want what he has. He genuinely cares about people, and it shows. He is an all-around nice guy.
Some days it is difficult for me that Phil is not in "vocational ministry" right now. He is so good at ministering to people that I think he should do it full time! But then I remember something my father-in-law always used to say: "Do what you can, where you are, with what you have."
These last two years have been very difficult for our family. It has been a blessing to see how God uses Phil's consistent testimony to reach some of the associates. This is what God has asked Phil to do right now, and I am very thankful that Phil is faithful where he is. He is quick to share the love of Christ with those he meets. And in turn, God has gotten hold of some of their hearts.
Will Phil always be at Hannaford? I have no idea. But he will be there as long as God has him there, and not a day less. How I praise the Lord for a faithful husband who is sensitive to the hand of God in his life! I love you, Philip Thomas!
Four years ago, while I was pregnant with our first child, Phil found himself in need of a job. He had just finished his time as Principal of a Christian School, and we had no idea what the next step was for us. That, I might add, is not a great feeling when you are six months pregnant!
Phil walked into our neighborhood grocery store, Hannaford, thinking that he would stalk shelves, or something just to pay the bills for the time being. As he sat in the interview the Human Relations Manager who interviewed him said, "Hey, I'm getting done, and I think that my job would be a good fit for you."
"Great!" said my husband, and walked out of the store with a salaried manager position.
After a few months with the company, the same position opened in a store a half an hour away from Phil's parents in Central Maine. We jumped at the opportunity to live closer to them. Phil's mom had battled stage four ovarian cancer, and we were confident that we should move closer to them to be more of a help if needed. We also wanted our children to get to spend as much time with her as possible. And frankly, my husband loves Central Maine! It was all working together beautifully.
Upon moving to Maine, God provided a wonderful local church for us to attend and join. We immediately felt at home there, and loved. It was such a great fit. We quickly began building relationships with people who are now some of our dearest friends, and family really.
Phil's job at Hannaford involves building relationships with all the associates. He is very good at what he does. His position is, at times, to be a liaison between the associates and the management. The associates need to feel comfortable sharing issues with him.
If you know my husband, you know that his faith is a very active part of his life. His love for Christ is very evident. It wasn't long before the associates started calling him the "Pastor of Hannaford". I laughed when I first heard it, and thought, "How appropriate!"
Phil isn't the kind of guy who will shove the Bible down your throat. But he is the kind of guy who lives his life in such a way that people notice that he is different, and they want what he has. He genuinely cares about people, and it shows. He is an all-around nice guy.
Some days it is difficult for me that Phil is not in "vocational ministry" right now. He is so good at ministering to people that I think he should do it full time! But then I remember something my father-in-law always used to say: "Do what you can, where you are, with what you have."
These last two years have been very difficult for our family. It has been a blessing to see how God uses Phil's consistent testimony to reach some of the associates. This is what God has asked Phil to do right now, and I am very thankful that Phil is faithful where he is. He is quick to share the love of Christ with those he meets. And in turn, God has gotten hold of some of their hearts.
Will Phil always be at Hannaford? I have no idea. But he will be there as long as God has him there, and not a day less. How I praise the Lord for a faithful husband who is sensitive to the hand of God in his life! I love you, Philip Thomas!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Am I Pretty, Daddy?
Our three-year-old, Kendra, is what I would call a "girly-girl". She wants to wear dresses everyday. She asks to wear my make-up. If her nail polish wears off, she is quick to let me know - regardless of where we are. And she can not wrap her mind around the fact that my friend Becky will not change her wedding colors so that Kendra's Flower Girl dress can be pink.
I do not know how Kendra got this way. From infancy she favored my father-in-law, and they would watch those hunting shows on TV together. Her second birthday had a deer-hunting theme (I kid you not). Her love-language is "quality time", and she likes spending time fishing or trudging through the woods with her daddy. So, we absolutely do not get the "pink princess" thing.
Kendra is in the habit right now of twirling around in whichever dress she has on and saying, "Am I pretty, Mommy (or Daddy)?"
And I got into the habit of saying, "You are beautiful, Sweetheart!"
After all, I am out to get the "Mother of the Year" Award, and doesn't that sound like the answer of a good candidate?
One day I realized that my husband was giving her an entirely different answer, and it went something like this: "You shouldn't ask people to compliment you, Kendra."
I realized that he was probably giving the better response. After all, who wants a child who demands that others affirm her all the time, right? We want to raise our girls to be secure women. The whole daily conversation was making me evaluate what we want to instill in our girls about beauty though. I kept coming back to my in-laws repeating, "Pretty is as pretty does."
When Kendra selfishly cries to get her own way, it is not pretty. When she hits her sister, or steals her toy, it is not pretty. When she lies to me about how the bathroom sink got clogged, it is not pretty. And I want my baby girl to be pretty!
Then I started to realize that my girls need a pretty mommy to lead the way. I am blessed with a husband who, no matter how fat and tired I feel, still tells me that I'm attractive. But I don't mean outward beauty. I'm talking about standing before my Heavenly Father, and saying (wanting an honest answer), "Am I pretty, Daddy?"
I am thinking that the answer would have nothing to do with my external beauty. I Samuel 16:7b says, "for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart" (emphasis mine).
What does my heart reveal? The Apostle Peter writes to wives, "Your adornment must not be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God" (I Peter 3:3-4).
A "gentle and quiet spirit" is something that I definitely need to work on. If that is what is beautiful to my Father, then that is what I want to possess. So often I feel like I am "harsh and loud" instead of "gentle and quiet".
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me," (Psalm 139:23-24a). Or in other words, "Am I pretty, Daddy?"
"You were not pretty when you gossiped today about that woman down the street." "You were not pretty when you lost your temper with your children." "You were not pretty when you selfishly put yourself before your husband."
The rest of Psalm 139:24 reads, "And lead me in the everlasting way."
What is the "everlasting way"? It is God's way. God leads us along the way of life to please Him. We learn to please Him by learning, and living by His Word, spending time with Him in prayer, and in fellowship with other believers. As we walk in God's way, we live a life that pleases the Lord; a life that is truly pretty.
As I twirl before my Father, how I long that He find me pretty.
Scripture used from NAS Bible
I do not know how Kendra got this way. From infancy she favored my father-in-law, and they would watch those hunting shows on TV together. Her second birthday had a deer-hunting theme (I kid you not). Her love-language is "quality time", and she likes spending time fishing or trudging through the woods with her daddy. So, we absolutely do not get the "pink princess" thing.
Kendra is in the habit right now of twirling around in whichever dress she has on and saying, "Am I pretty, Mommy (or Daddy)?"
And I got into the habit of saying, "You are beautiful, Sweetheart!"
After all, I am out to get the "Mother of the Year" Award, and doesn't that sound like the answer of a good candidate?
One day I realized that my husband was giving her an entirely different answer, and it went something like this: "You shouldn't ask people to compliment you, Kendra."
I realized that he was probably giving the better response. After all, who wants a child who demands that others affirm her all the time, right? We want to raise our girls to be secure women. The whole daily conversation was making me evaluate what we want to instill in our girls about beauty though. I kept coming back to my in-laws repeating, "Pretty is as pretty does."
When Kendra selfishly cries to get her own way, it is not pretty. When she hits her sister, or steals her toy, it is not pretty. When she lies to me about how the bathroom sink got clogged, it is not pretty. And I want my baby girl to be pretty!
Then I started to realize that my girls need a pretty mommy to lead the way. I am blessed with a husband who, no matter how fat and tired I feel, still tells me that I'm attractive. But I don't mean outward beauty. I'm talking about standing before my Heavenly Father, and saying (wanting an honest answer), "Am I pretty, Daddy?"
I am thinking that the answer would have nothing to do with my external beauty. I Samuel 16:7b says, "for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart" (emphasis mine).
What does my heart reveal? The Apostle Peter writes to wives, "Your adornment must not be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God" (I Peter 3:3-4).
A "gentle and quiet spirit" is something that I definitely need to work on. If that is what is beautiful to my Father, then that is what I want to possess. So often I feel like I am "harsh and loud" instead of "gentle and quiet".
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me," (Psalm 139:23-24a). Or in other words, "Am I pretty, Daddy?"
"You were not pretty when you gossiped today about that woman down the street." "You were not pretty when you lost your temper with your children." "You were not pretty when you selfishly put yourself before your husband."
The rest of Psalm 139:24 reads, "And lead me in the everlasting way."
What is the "everlasting way"? It is God's way. God leads us along the way of life to please Him. We learn to please Him by learning, and living by His Word, spending time with Him in prayer, and in fellowship with other believers. As we walk in God's way, we live a life that pleases the Lord; a life that is truly pretty.
As I twirl before my Father, how I long that He find me pretty.
Scripture used from NAS Bible
Sunday, July 18, 2010
A Godly Heritage
The first time my future husband drove me to Maine to meet his family was, of course, daunting for me. This was the big test. Would I pass? What would they be like? Would they like me? Could I be myself around them?
As we crossed the Maine border my heart sank as my boyfriend announced, "I know that most people don't really believe that the 'Proverbs 31 Woman' really exists, but I do. And I think that my mom is one!"
I wanted to die right there. Have you read Proverbs 31? "Oh great," I thought, "What do I do now? It's too late to turn around." My only hope was to fling myself from the moving vehicle, and hitchhike home.
What in the world was I thinking going to meet his father, "The Baptist Pastor", and his mother, "The Proverbs 31 Woman?" They were not going to like me! Talk about an insecure moment! Did I mention wanting to jump out of the moving vehicle?
Then I was reminded, "Hey, wait a minute. This guy asked me out." If his parents didn't like me, it was his problem, right?
Phil's parents met me, and (totally by God's grace) approved of me, and so began treasured relationships with two amazing and godly people who quickly became parents to me. The best part of all was that they completely loved me in spite of myself. We didn't always agree, and frankly, Mom and I still don't always agree, but we love each other dearly.
We lost Phil's dad last year to a brain tumor, and it was a very devastating time for us. He was a good man who loved the Lord with all his heart, and desired to serve Him faithfully with his life. He has left a godly heritage to our family that we treasure deeply.
Phil's mom has a genetic mutation that causes her to be prone to various forms of cancer. She has battled breast cancer twice, and stage four ovarian cancer that has now metastasized to her brain. As a result of the later, she has had brain surgery twice this year.
The thing that amazes me about Mom is that she never stops growing. She always wants to grow in her walk with Christ. That is an example I value tremendously. She has become a mentor to me in life, and her life challenges my own. I have come to realize that, not only is she a "Proverbs 31 Woman", but God has asked me to be that woman too. And that is what He wants for you also.
God has called Mom to new facets of ministry since Dad's death. She has always loved teaching women, and that ministry is expanding. She feels God leading her to minister to women in a variety of ways, including speaking and writing. What a blessing to see her used in the lives of so many!
Is Mom perfect, no? But does she strive for greater devotion to the Lord, absolutely! She is always moving ahead in the process of growth. Next month she hopes to begin her Masters! Phil and I could not be prouder. She has such a heart for the Lord, and for the things of God. She feels that continuing her education will better equip her for the things He is calling her to do.
It is a wonderful thing to have a mother-in-law who is a mentor, friend, and most of all a mom. I thank the Lord for her every day. He has certainly given me plenty of opportunities to remember not to take her for granted. And, by the way, the great thing about a true "Proverbs 31 Woman" is that there is absolutely no way for insecurity to last around them for long. Thank you, Jesus!
Proverbs 31 (NLT):
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
\she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate
If you would be interested in Mom ministering to your Ladies Group, please don't hesitate to contact me! It will be a blessing!
As we crossed the Maine border my heart sank as my boyfriend announced, "I know that most people don't really believe that the 'Proverbs 31 Woman' really exists, but I do. And I think that my mom is one!"
I wanted to die right there. Have you read Proverbs 31? "Oh great," I thought, "What do I do now? It's too late to turn around." My only hope was to fling myself from the moving vehicle, and hitchhike home.
What in the world was I thinking going to meet his father, "The Baptist Pastor", and his mother, "The Proverbs 31 Woman?" They were not going to like me! Talk about an insecure moment! Did I mention wanting to jump out of the moving vehicle?
Then I was reminded, "Hey, wait a minute. This guy asked me out." If his parents didn't like me, it was his problem, right?
Phil's parents met me, and (totally by God's grace) approved of me, and so began treasured relationships with two amazing and godly people who quickly became parents to me. The best part of all was that they completely loved me in spite of myself. We didn't always agree, and frankly, Mom and I still don't always agree, but we love each other dearly.
We lost Phil's dad last year to a brain tumor, and it was a very devastating time for us. He was a good man who loved the Lord with all his heart, and desired to serve Him faithfully with his life. He has left a godly heritage to our family that we treasure deeply.
Phil's mom has a genetic mutation that causes her to be prone to various forms of cancer. She has battled breast cancer twice, and stage four ovarian cancer that has now metastasized to her brain. As a result of the later, she has had brain surgery twice this year.
The thing that amazes me about Mom is that she never stops growing. She always wants to grow in her walk with Christ. That is an example I value tremendously. She has become a mentor to me in life, and her life challenges my own. I have come to realize that, not only is she a "Proverbs 31 Woman", but God has asked me to be that woman too. And that is what He wants for you also.
God has called Mom to new facets of ministry since Dad's death. She has always loved teaching women, and that ministry is expanding. She feels God leading her to minister to women in a variety of ways, including speaking and writing. What a blessing to see her used in the lives of so many!
Is Mom perfect, no? But does she strive for greater devotion to the Lord, absolutely! She is always moving ahead in the process of growth. Next month she hopes to begin her Masters! Phil and I could not be prouder. She has such a heart for the Lord, and for the things of God. She feels that continuing her education will better equip her for the things He is calling her to do.
It is a wonderful thing to have a mother-in-law who is a mentor, friend, and most of all a mom. I thank the Lord for her every day. He has certainly given me plenty of opportunities to remember not to take her for granted. And, by the way, the great thing about a true "Proverbs 31 Woman" is that there is absolutely no way for insecurity to last around them for long. Thank you, Jesus!
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
\she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate
If you would be interested in Mom ministering to your Ladies Group, please don't hesitate to contact me! It will be a blessing!
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